"Today,I AM GOING TO SMELL THE ROSES!"
There are moments in all of our lives that we would prefer to forget, and that is understandable. The sky is not always blue and sunny; the birds are not always singing; beauty is not always in the eye of the beholder who may be experiencing a ‘morning after the night before,’ and grasping for their third or fourth caffeine intake of the day. Our lives are made up of a series of millions of ‘experiences’ which are all interlinked, and all contribute to who and what we are, at any point in our journey.
This week I met with a very special group of people who, like The ARDS Foundation, are very dear to me. We call ourselves the OETSG which is short for:
The Ontario East Transplant Support Group.
It is a group of people who are dedicated to providing friendship, dialogue, Spiritual strength and safe association between people who are living their lives as Imuno-Suppressed. In its own small way, OETSG tries to emulate some of the functions of The ARDS Foundation.
As an ARDS survivor, I never for a second thought I would belong to such a heroic group, but there again, I never thought I would ever become a victim of such a deadly syndrome as ARDS. Did you or your friend or loved one?
“I NEVER THOUGHT….” I want to focus on these three little words this month as they are so innocent and yet have such a far-reaching effect on our lives if we simply choose to ignore them. So what did I never think? This is where I bear my soul to those who read this column.
- I never thought that my being 30 lbs overweight for several years would contribute to my requiring Gall Bladder Surgery.
- I never thought that my freeloading diet would contribute to my ill health. What me? NEVER! I never thought that in an instant, all that I, no, make that WE (my wife and myself) had worked for over a lifetime, could be taken away from us following what we had been promised was “Day” surgery, and turned out to be 5.1/2 months long and a tango with ARDS.
- I never thought that I would not fully recover from ARDS and find that two years later I required a lung transplant. (Please, please note that most people who survive their dance with ARDS do go on to live a normal life.)
- I never thought that having a shower would require the help of my wife as it was simply too exhausting.
- I never thought that a walk round my favorite store (I’m a Home Depot/Canadian Tire, marina type guy…and sometimes the car showrooms) would be impossible for me as I could only manage about 30 yards without having to find a seat.
- I never thought I would be at a loss for words, seated beside my wife (who was driving us to Toronto General Hospital after I had been called in for Transplant Surgery ) wondering if we would ever see each other again. It was a surreal experience.
- I never thought that the 76 I shot on the golf course in November 2000 would be the last time I would ever be able to play the game. (At least I went out on a high note!)
- I never thought I would wonder if I would ever see my first grandchild born. (I did and she is beautiful…a light in my life!)
The truth is that “I never thought” of many things during my life, because my life was a snap, and everything was going along just as planned. There are many more “I Never Thought’s” I could share with you but won’t, because you might begin to think of some of your own, and that is indeed what I hope will happen after you have read this article.This week a friend sent me an e-mail with some of the writings of Irma Bombeck. I know that most of you have heard of this hero and read some of her writings, and I want to share a few of them with you because they challenge us and speak to us in such a meaningful way.
- I would have talked less and listened more.
(Don’t we miss so much when we are trying to get our viewpoint to be heard.) Listen, we already know what ‘that’ is because we own it. How much richer to hear the inner thoughts of a friend, and allow them to bring us closer together, instead of playing the one up-personship game.
- I would have invited friends over to dinner even if the carpet was stained, or the sofa was faded.
Misplaced pride, and keeping up appearances can so often cause us to lose an opportunity to enrich our lives. If our “friends” are really friends then they see us, warts and all, and not the surrounding decoration.
- I would have taken the time to listen to my grandfather ramble about his youth.
Oh Irma! This is a hard one as well you knew when you wrote it. Our lifestyles in this early part of the 21st Century are chaotic to say the least. Hours spent in the commute; too many hours spent at work; personal ‘gas tank’ running at empty when we return to what we think of as “home.”
Remember, to give another our full attention is one of the greatest gifts we have to offer. Grandfather or grandmother speaks about their LIVES; speaks about what it is that made them what they are. What a wonderful gift to understand the person we care for by hearing their story….even if it is for the hundredth time.
- When my kids kissed me impetuously, I would never have said, "Later...now go get washed up for dinner."
Complacency creeps insidiously into our lives and changes the way we think and feel. Gone are our moments of spontaneity as our overworked minds and bodies try to cope with the simple task of day to day survival. We do not leave any time for ourselves; time in which we can listen to our hearts and let our minds take a holiday. We react instinctively to anything that appears to detract from the task in hand, and in the process we lose an opportunity to link ourselves with those whom we love. How predictable and boring we can become, and it is no surprise that our children eventually lose this gift they have to offer us, knowing it will be rejected.
- There would have been more "I love you's" and more "I'm sorry's".
How many times have you spoken these two little phrases today, or even this week? One of the greatest breakers of the awkward silence are these three little words:
“I Love You.”
And yes, I know, one of the most difficult things to do is to say “I’m sorry,” but saying it brings closure.
- But, mostly, given another shot at life, I would seize every minute...look at it and really see it ... live it .. and never give it back.
Each day we awake is a gift from God, and that might be why it is called “The Present day.” When we awaken in the morning, our attitude towards ourselves and to life sets the tone for the day. If we waken late, we know the consequences, as our heart rate increases by 20 points while we wonder just how ‘late’ we will arrive at our place of work. (Remember you car drivers…. “Better to arrive late than not to arrive at all.”) If there is a challenge with preparing the children for the off, or the car just won’t start, remember, a few moments thoughtful preparation hours earlier could have prevented this. If today is a GIFT, then how best can I appreciate what it has to offer me? Think about it my friends….. If it was to be my last day on this earth and I knew it, what would I be doing?
I’d want to hear the birds song first thing in the morning.
I’d want to feel the water in my shower rushing down my face, its needle spray massaging my body awake with each second.
I’d want to look in the mirror and see a SMILING face 
look back at me.
I’d want to have time to eat a healthy breakfast.
I’d want to make sure I told my children and my husband/wife that I loved them, and hugged them before we parted.
I’d want to do something constructive FOR ME during my commute. Reading (I’m not driving when I am doing this.) or Listening to good music or motivational tapes.
I’d want to give of my best at work and to be able to say that I enjoyed what I do. We all spend too much time in this 1/3rd. phase of our lives to be negative, as it can and WILL affect our health over time.
I’d want to come home with a plan for the next four hours of my life; a plan that makes time for ME/for US/ for those I LOVE and who LOVE ME!
I’d want, as the Dali Lama counsels, to go to sleep with my mind rested; having settled any disagreement (never go to sleep with anger in your heart) and take eight hours of sleep to recharge my batteries.
Finally, I’d want to waken in the morning to a new and exciting day; a day that challenges me to be the best that I can be, and see the best in those I meet.
Today: IAM GOING TO SMELL THE ROSES. Those who meet me will smile ☺back as they see the love and welcome in my expressions, and hear it in my words.
I dedicate the above to all of the heroes we read about in our ARDS mail and Prayer Circle, and to all of those like Irma Bombeck, without which the World is definitely a poorer place. I also dedicate it to those who are “living on the edge;” whose “best before” date is far sooner that it really should be; who know they will not see their grandchildren married and yet who carry on with a smile because they have learned to appreciate life….
ONE DAY AT A TIME.
Blessings and self-understanding to you ALL!
See you all next newsletter……..Pastor Ian.
