The ARDS Foundation - Body, Mind, & Spirit

By Pastor Ian

“Treasuring our Friendships.”

I was thinking the other evening about the approach of the holiday season and the events and rituals this brings to many homes and lives. O.K. I’ll admit it, I was also thinking about turkey and cranberry sauce, plum pudding, ice cream and dark chocolate marzipan candy!

Enough of the food kick... In a few days time, mailboxes throughout the county will bulge as the volume of mail we each receive is boosted with the arrival of greetings cards.

As a little boy living back in what used to be home in Scotland, I recall this time of year was rather magical as we looked forward to the arrival of December 25th. and all that it promised. During the weeks of December, the interior of our home gradually changed from its familiar, year round self, to a festive looking place with inexpensive, homemade coloured paper streamers dancing from one corner of the room to the other. Complimenting this were the colorful cards which were neatly pinned on the wall by my mother (much to Dad’s disgust as he had to touch-up the pinholes later). The nearer we approached the big day the more numerous became the cards. I used to check them out to see if we had received any doubles, and of course keeping a running total was a must. Had we made any more friends this year than last?

(To be rich in friends is to be poor in nothing. “Lilian Whiting.”)

It was even a talking point at school.

“Did you receive any cards yet?

Oh. Yes, how many?

Is that all!

We have got 57 already and I know there are lots still to come.”

I can’t recall if we ever reached the magic 100 mark, however I am sure we might have come close, not unfortunately indicating a wonderful increase in our family friends, but a tendency, even then, to proliferate the idea of sending greetings cards. (Think about the trees we were losing.)

As I make this recollection I begin to realize what a wonderful opportunity was lost. You see, cards were purchased, and then on one evening, my mum would sit down with her address book and commence the task of signing and addressing each and every one. The list of names itself was a veritable history, reminding us of people who had touched our family on its life’s journey. Our relatives were there of course, however there were also the names of some wonderful people whom we had met while on vacation, or other events, and whose company we had enjoyed for the few days we were together. We all recall times like these, and of course the partings in the hotel lobby or car park when small slips of paper containing home addresses were carefully exchanged with promises that we would not lose contact. Carefully marked against each name on her list was a tick v if they had sent us a card last year. If not, there would invariably be a line --------- through the name, and they would not receive from us this year. Names were added and names were taken away, but sadly, for many of the names on that well thumbed list, contact was made but once per year...on December 25th by greeting card.

A year had come and a year had gone, and in many cases cards were being sent to ‘friends’ whom we had met many years previously, and with whom the only contact had been a subsequent greetings card exchange. Occasionally a few lines would be added inside the card: “ Remember Atlantic City, Minnesota memories, or remember Calgary” but in the main, the greeting would be something like “Happy Holidays, from Ian, Flo and Family.” After a couple of hours, and 70 or 80 cards later, there would be a big sigh from mum and she would say the words “well, that’s it for another year. I wonder if we will receive more this year than we are sending?”

Occasionally the unthinkable happened...an unexpected card would arrive, let’s call it “the forgotten card.” There would be a panic, especially if it was near to December 25th, to see if a card could be written and returned before they could think that we had forgotten to send one to them. That called for additional cost and the use of express mail, much to mum’s disgust! Pride is a strange thing.

Over the years since that time in my life, I guess I must have reflected on this question of the meaning of sending all of these cards, many to people we had not seen in years. The pointlessness of sending a card signed “Irene & Ian;” a ritual we had inherited from our parents, began to gnaw away at us and finally led to the idea of “The Robb’s Annual Letter” which we started to write many years ago, and was received with great interest by our friends. It is styled after, “This Was the Year That Was,” and contains the highlights (sometimes lowlights) hatches and matches, hopes, dreams and greetings. Its intent is to bring to our friends some of what “IS US” once again, and perhaps rekindle previously good relationships that have been allowed to lie fallow. It seldom, if ever fails to bring a great response, usually early in the New Year in the form of a beautiful card with nice wording and a letter.

If I sound cynical please be assured that I am not. I am in fact a person who values good relationships above all else, and grieve when I see pettiness and pointless self-righteousness destroying loving communication between two or more people.

Let me explain what I think that means to all of us.

In our ideal world we should be going out of way to spend time with friends; to help friends when they have need; to give them good counsel when they have problems; and to encourage them to be confident in the future. To me, ‘right relationships’ are as important as the very air we breathe. When things go wrong in our relationships with others, as they can and will do, we have a choice. We can simply put it down to irreconcilable differences, put on our holier than thou air, take the high road and walk away. OR, we can find an appropriate time to make a new approach to heal the rift that has developed. This coming holiday season gives us such an opportune time.

You know, good friends can be a rare find; a treasure, and are definitely worth keeping. Someone once said: “A real friend warms you by their presence, trusts you with their secrets, and remembers you in their prayers.” How true!

Our “This Was the Year That Was” Letter for 2003 will not be the usual précis of the past 12 months. No, this year it will be a celebration of friends and the joy they bring to our lives.

What about you? Will you be taking time this year to send a special card to your friend/s containing a loving and meaningful message that speaks of Peace, Joy and Love; a message that recalls just why you are friends? You know it will be appreciated.

Finally, if you happen to receive a card from us this year, it has been sent with love; it says your friendship is important to us; it means you are regularly in our thoughts and prayers and will remain there throughout the coming year. However, whether you receive a card from us or not, may I/we wish you all a very joyous holiday season among your loved ones of family and friends.

Remember, a friend is one who knows you and still loves you!

Pastor Ian.

p.s. Did you forget to send a greetings card to the Minnesota Brown’s as well!!